Not all women are created equal

Selena looked frantically through her bag. She couldn’t go on stage without her large gold hoop earrings. Four minutes remained before her stage performance. She practiced all week for this particular show. Even hours before she walked into the dressing room, she managed to add a few final touches to her choreography. Her makeup looked perfect. Her costume literally radiated from the light reflecting on the sequins. The extensions in her hair added a dramatic flare to her overall appearance. Only a minute remained, but she was prepared to walk out on that stage and dance her heart out. Selena looked flawless, like a spitting image of Jennifer Lopez. Selena worked hard to look this great. Some people may not be aware she legally changed her name to Selena Austin only one year ago. Before the name change, she was actually Ricardo Samudio.

The transgendered performer appears at The Saint nightclub on Monday nights. The voice you hear during her performances, the one captivating the audience, is not hers. Selena lip syncs to the music. Her favorite artists include Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez. She said she knew since age twelve she wanted to go into entertainment. “Back then it was different,” the 29-year-old said. “I didn’t start living my life as a woman until about ten years ago. I grew up in Tennessee and performed at places like Opryland. I was a young boy and it was a strange feeling for me to see all these young girls swoon over me, but I still liked the attention.”

She decided to live her life as a woman ten years ago. Austin said there was nothing easy about it, but she knew it would bring her happiness. Not everyone shared the same happiness she did. Her mother still referred to her as Ricardo and refused to acknowledge her as a woman. Her father seemed a little more accepting.

“I think that my dad always knew I wasn’t happy,” Austin said. “It was a little strange for him at first, but he accepted the new me. My mom, on the other hand, would not call me by my new name. I had been using this name for about ten years now, since I first started living as a woman. I’ve always loved it. I named myself after the Tejano singer, Selena Quintanilla. My mom has learned to live with it, but I can tell she’s still not completely comfortable about the whole idea of having a daughter now.”

At the nightclub, many of the regulars know about Selena and her life, but outside of the bar people have a hard time telling she’s actually a man. She admits she gets hit on by men and often envied by women, but still has to take precaution because she never knows how someone may react to the truth.

“Many people are not understanding of how I live,” Austin said. “I have to make sure I’m careful about where I go and who I reveal myself to. It can be pretty scary. When I first started dressing as a woman I looked awful. My friends joke that I looked rough around the edges. I started taking hormones about two years ago. This made my chest bigger and made my facial features just a little more feminine.”

The hormones she injects are not prescribed, but she gets them administered by someone with experience, she said. This is often the case with transgendered individuals. But not all opt for the injections. Ashley Vega also lives as a woman, but not 24-hours a day. The 22-year-old said he enjoys going out as a woman, but hangs up the brassiere at the end of the night.

“I have fun going out as a girl,” Vega said. “I love being all made-up and wearing some lavish outfit and having everyone look at me. My boyfriend has no problem with it. I just don’t think I could ever go through the hormone process. I’ve seen so many things go horribly wrong with it. This happens because the people injecting the girls are not professionals. So many things can go wrong. I’m Ashley when I’m out at the bars, but when I get home, and the makeup comes off, I’m Rudy again.”

Vega said he still goes out in public as a male from time to time. Rudy, as he is known at the cosmetology school where he works, refuses to take Ashley there.

“It’s not that I feel it’s a matter of professionalism, but I hold myself in a different regard when I’m at work,” Vega said. “The person I am at work, is not the same person you meet when you see me out having a drink or dancing. I just refuse to define myself as one gender or the other. Some people say I am playing a game of dress up when I go out. Whatever people want to call it, I love myself and at the end of the day this is all that matters.”

In 2005 Felicity Huffman starred in the film Transamerica about a pre-operative transsexual whose life changes when she discovers she fathered a child. In one scene, Huffman’s character is being interviewed by a doctor, whom she needs to sign a consent form in order to proceed with her male-to-female operation. He tells her the American Psychiatric Association considers gender dysphoria as serious mental disorder. She replies, “After my operation, not even a gynecologist will be able to detect anything out of the ordinary about my body. I will be a woman. Don’t you find it odd that plastic surgery can cure a mental disorder?”

Selena said she never looked at her situation as a disorder. It was just something that never really crossed her mind. Despite having a supportive network of friends, she said she has always been comfortable with herself.

“I’ve just been really blessed to have friends who are there for me,” Austin said. “I’ve known other transgendered people who seclude themselves from the rest of the world because their families turn their backs on them. I guess this makes it hard for them to make or hold on to friends.”

Selena said one of the managers at The Saint, Randy Ellis, makes sure the girls feel safe in the bar environment. The performers are known there as the showgirls. Ellis assures that his showgirls are taken care of.

“We’ve had trouble in the past,” Ellis admitted. “But every bar has its share of drama every now and then. It doesn’t happen very often, but we’ve had the occasional heckler or nuisance come into the bar and try to make our girls uncomfortable. People need to understand this is their territory, and we’re going to do whatever we can to protect them from outsiders.”

Selena said she never feels out of place at The Saint. She called it her second home, and she said the atmosphere is welcoming to most of the patrons. Despite being a gay bar, many heterosexuals also go there to catch an occasional drag show.

“People don’t realize how difficult it is to be a woman,” Austin said. “Guys particularly have a hard time with this. There is so much work involved. It always looked so easy when I was younger. Once I started living this way, I learned the hard truth.”