Breastfeeding is a very natural thing, no matter who you are

I feel that it was my duty to totally chime in on this one. I heard about this photo of two military moms breast-feeding in uniform on The Billy Madison Show on 99.5 KISS FM this morning. Now granted, I don't listen to that show, I have to say, I was offended at some of the content, then laughed at other parts, so I think they did their job. Ok, back to the military moms. I'm not a mom, I certainly don't care for breasts (being gay and all), so chill the fuck out people. It's really sad that mom's get some bad flack for feeding their kids naturally. Unless their abusing their kids in anyway, let it be already.

There were so many mixed opinions, not only on The Billy Madison Show, but also on Today Moms, a section of the Today Show online website. In fact, Today Moms referenced another ex-military mom's blog where she too has stood up for military moms who breast-feed in uniform. One of the quotes that I thought was idiotic came from a woman whom the site referred to as a retired captain in the Marine Corps who advocated for breast-feeding moms in the military, and who as a civilian still nurses freely on base. She said commented the following:

“I would never nurse in uniform. I took my child to the bathroom or a private office when her nanny brought her to me …. Not because I was ashamed of nursing, nor of being a mother. All the guys knew I pumped. The military is not a civilian job. We go to combat and we make life or death decisions, and not just for ourselves but for those we lead. The same reason I would never nurse in uniform is the same reason I do not chew gum, or walk and talk on my cell phone, or even run into the store in my utility uniform. ... We are warfighting professionals. Women before us have worked too hard to earn and retain the respect of their male peers. I don’t want my Marines to look at me any other way than as a Marine. When I am asking them to fly into combat with me and do a dangerous mission, I do not want them to have the mental image of a babe at my breast. I want them to only see me as a Marine. Let’s be a realistic folks. We give up many freedoms being in the military…Breastfeeding in front of my fellow Marines was one of them."

Maybe one of the reasons I can't agree with this moron is that, yes, you do give up a lot of freedoms when you enter the service, but being a mom should not be one of them. Her last statement, to me, sounds like maybe she believes having children should be a freedom all military women give up when they enlist. Just because you're in the military, it doesn't make you a fucking robot. If your kid is a few years older and you're in the store with this child who happens to be whining about some toy he/she wants, do you just ignore it and continue to stand at attention, or do you react? And I understand the military is not a civilian job, but give me a break. You're not the only ones who make life and death decisions for yourself or the people you lead. If you're a soccer mom, or a coach, and you have a car full of kids, you bet your ass they have to make life and death decisions when driving those little ones around. When I drive my car, I'm making life and death decisions based on WTF situation I'm in. So save your whining for someone that gives a shit because I certainly don't, at least, not with your ridiculous argument.

The fact that you're female in the military has already won you a great amount of respect. Whether you're a woman or not, I don't care. I don't care if you're a man, woman, straight, gay....it doesn't matter. If you're serving this country, you're serving this country, period! So get your head out of your ass and support military moms who breast-feed their kids, just like any other moms who breast-feed their kids, whether in uniform or not. I also can't believe that people would compare women in uniform breast-feeding to someone urinating in public. That's the same thing as saying: breast-feeding your kids in public is the same as urinating in public, therefore, when you breastfeed your kids, you're urinating on them.

Shut the F up! Really? Who the hell compares those two things to each other, seriously? If you're a mom (especially a mom in uniform) who breast-feeds, I salute you. It's a brave thing, especially when you have to take so much criticism from idiots. The way I see it, if you've made the decision to be a mom, and you decide you're going to breast-feed your kids, well those kids come first, especially at such a young age. They're certainly not going to feed themselves. Now you can either agree with me, or you can agree to disagree. It's your opinion, just as it is mine. So feel free to chime in and let me know how you feel about the whole thing.

Not all women are created equal

Selena looked frantically through her bag. She couldn’t go on stage without her large gold hoop earrings. Four minutes remained before her stage performance. She practiced all week for this particular show. Even hours before she walked into the dressing room, she managed to add a few final touches to her choreography. Her makeup looked perfect. Her costume literally radiated from the light reflecting on the sequins. The extensions in her hair added a dramatic flare to her overall appearance. Only a minute remained, but she was prepared to walk out on that stage and dance her heart out. Selena looked flawless, like a spitting image of Jennifer Lopez. Selena worked hard to look this great. Some people may not be aware she legally changed her name to Selena Austin only one year ago. Before the name change, she was actually Ricardo Samudio.

The transgendered performer appears at The Saint nightclub on Monday nights. The voice you hear during her performances, the one captivating the audience, is not hers. Selena lip syncs to the music. Her favorite artists include Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez. She said she knew since age twelve she wanted to go into entertainment. “Back then it was different,” the 29-year-old said. “I didn’t start living my life as a woman until about ten years ago. I grew up in Tennessee and performed at places like Opryland. I was a young boy and it was a strange feeling for me to see all these young girls swoon over me, but I still liked the attention.”

She decided to live her life as a woman ten years ago. Austin said there was nothing easy about it, but she knew it would bring her happiness. Not everyone shared the same happiness she did. Her mother still referred to her as Ricardo and refused to acknowledge her as a woman. Her father seemed a little more accepting.

“I think that my dad always knew I wasn’t happy,” Austin said. “It was a little strange for him at first, but he accepted the new me. My mom, on the other hand, would not call me by my new name. I had been using this name for about ten years now, since I first started living as a woman. I’ve always loved it. I named myself after the Tejano singer, Selena Quintanilla. My mom has learned to live with it, but I can tell she’s still not completely comfortable about the whole idea of having a daughter now.”

At the nightclub, many of the regulars know about Selena and her life, but outside of the bar people have a hard time telling she’s actually a man. She admits she gets hit on by men and often envied by women, but still has to take precaution because she never knows how someone may react to the truth.

“Many people are not understanding of how I live,” Austin said. “I have to make sure I’m careful about where I go and who I reveal myself to. It can be pretty scary. When I first started dressing as a woman I looked awful. My friends joke that I looked rough around the edges. I started taking hormones about two years ago. This made my chest bigger and made my facial features just a little more feminine.”

The hormones she injects are not prescribed, but she gets them administered by someone with experience, she said. This is often the case with transgendered individuals. But not all opt for the injections. Ashley Vega also lives as a woman, but not 24-hours a day. The 22-year-old said he enjoys going out as a woman, but hangs up the brassiere at the end of the night.

“I have fun going out as a girl,” Vega said. “I love being all made-up and wearing some lavish outfit and having everyone look at me. My boyfriend has no problem with it. I just don’t think I could ever go through the hormone process. I’ve seen so many things go horribly wrong with it. This happens because the people injecting the girls are not professionals. So many things can go wrong. I’m Ashley when I’m out at the bars, but when I get home, and the makeup comes off, I’m Rudy again.”

Vega said he still goes out in public as a male from time to time. Rudy, as he is known at the cosmetology school where he works, refuses to take Ashley there.

“It’s not that I feel it’s a matter of professionalism, but I hold myself in a different regard when I’m at work,” Vega said. “The person I am at work, is not the same person you meet when you see me out having a drink or dancing. I just refuse to define myself as one gender or the other. Some people say I am playing a game of dress up when I go out. Whatever people want to call it, I love myself and at the end of the day this is all that matters.”

In 2005 Felicity Huffman starred in the film Transamerica about a pre-operative transsexual whose life changes when she discovers she fathered a child. In one scene, Huffman’s character is being interviewed by a doctor, whom she needs to sign a consent form in order to proceed with her male-to-female operation. He tells her the American Psychiatric Association considers gender dysphoria as serious mental disorder. She replies, “After my operation, not even a gynecologist will be able to detect anything out of the ordinary about my body. I will be a woman. Don’t you find it odd that plastic surgery can cure a mental disorder?”

Selena said she never looked at her situation as a disorder. It was just something that never really crossed her mind. Despite having a supportive network of friends, she said she has always been comfortable with herself.

“I’ve just been really blessed to have friends who are there for me,” Austin said. “I’ve known other transgendered people who seclude themselves from the rest of the world because their families turn their backs on them. I guess this makes it hard for them to make or hold on to friends.”

Selena said one of the managers at The Saint, Randy Ellis, makes sure the girls feel safe in the bar environment. The performers are known there as the showgirls. Ellis assures that his showgirls are taken care of.

“We’ve had trouble in the past,” Ellis admitted. “But every bar has its share of drama every now and then. It doesn’t happen very often, but we’ve had the occasional heckler or nuisance come into the bar and try to make our girls uncomfortable. People need to understand this is their territory, and we’re going to do whatever we can to protect them from outsiders.”

Selena said she never feels out of place at The Saint. She called it her second home, and she said the atmosphere is welcoming to most of the patrons. Despite being a gay bar, many heterosexuals also go there to catch an occasional drag show.

“People don’t realize how difficult it is to be a woman,” Austin said. “Guys particularly have a hard time with this. There is so much work involved. It always looked so easy when I was younger. Once I started living this way, I learned the hard truth.”

Behind the times

Tonight, as I do most nights, I was watching my local news and one of the stories, yet again, focused on the future of San Antonio's public transit system. It's sad and heartbreaking to see such news because for the last two decades, the city has been proposing a new transit system, much like that of our nation's "big cities." The city is constantly proposing a modern light-rail system, yet the public seems to shoot it down every time. WTF is wrong with this place? Are we that behind the times? YES, we are in fact! What the hell are people so afraid of, and we all know that by people, I'm talking about all the old people in this old town! Are they afraid of a higher taxes? Give it the fuck up! This is still one of the least expensive cities in the U.S. to live and raise a family. If you wanna evolve in an ever-evolving world, then you have to be willing to catch up to the rest of the planet. I feel like even some third-world countries have surpassed us in some areas. How sad is that? Every day, I hear about friends wanting to leave this place, which I have called home for quite some years now. When they say it's boring, I tell them: Find something to do! There's so much going on here. When they say this place is not evolving fast enough, I have no argument. Just the other day, I was driving away from downtown and I happened to look through my rear view mirror at our downtown skyline. The sad part: There wasn't much of one. Unlike other major cities with blocks and blocks of high rise buildings, ours are far and few in between. I'm sure most natives (again, the older generation) think it's what gives our city character, but it's also why it lacks it.

Think about it: A modern day transit hub with public transportation to include streetcars, buses, and trains going every which way in the city you can possibly think of. It would make things so much faster and easier. I mean really, how attractive is it to drive down San Pedro and see an old woman waiting for the bus, that may or may not pass every 20 minutes if she's lucky, in triple-digit-weather. It's not attractive at all. In fact, if anything, it's just plain sad. I know the people waiting on those buses work their asses off everyday to get to and from work on that overcrowded bus at all hours of the day/night. It would be so much nicer if we had a better/faster transit system to get them back and forth. Let's just think about it for a moment. When "we" as a city, say "no" to projects like this, we're simply being selfish to those who actually use public transportation. So stop being a selfish dick, and do something about it! We owe it to our city, to our community, to our neighbors. I've said my part, now do the right thing next time this issue comes up for debate. Someone will thank you for it.

Self-esteem issues are for kids

Children are vulnerable beings, so it's obvious many of them have issues with self-esteem. Many kids just want to belong. They want to fit in. As adults, many of us can understand that because we were once those kids. But when an adult, someone 30+ years of age, says they have low self-esteem. I just don't know that I want to hear about it. I've never lied about it. I had low self esteem as a young man. I had people tell me I wasn't good-looking, or that I wasn't good enough. I outgrew it. It took me some time to find myself, but I did. If you feel that you're not confident enough in yourself to handle life, then don't be. Find something that will help you realize that "you is smart, you is kind, you is important." But don't judge me or my friends for loving who we are, and being confident enough to know what we have achieved and where we are going. It's really a downer. This must sound like me whining, and yeah, maybe I am just a little. But I'm the kind of person who used to drink because I didn't think that anything mattered. I had a brother, who was a role model to me, that died when I was still in high school. I had a mother who sat around and watched life pass her by while her other kids tried to remind her that we were still there. I dated people who disrespected me, and sometimes made me feel ugly. Well guess what? That's all in the past. I'm a grown man now. I've learned to love and respect myself, and many of my decisions, for the most part (ok, so I know I don't always make the best decisions, but not everyone does, right?). Now I drink because I'm an adult and I'm allowed to do so whenever I want, and wherever I want. Having a drink with friends on the weekends doesn't make me someone with no direction in life and it certainly doesn't make me someone who has a problem. In any case, I've learned to smile at my brother's memory. I've learned to help my mom out wherever I could to make her get over her slump. I've learned that no one can love you more than you will ever love yourself. Although there's definitely plenty of room for my Boo, whom I've made #1 in my life the last several years. So in a nutshell, what I'm trying to say, is please try and find yourself as an adult. Just don't get too cocky as I've seen in many cases. It isn't flattering.

Ginger is the new black

I'm still not sure who came up with the expression, "blondes have more fun." I'm not blonde, and I'm constantly having fun. In fact, I can probably say I'm having more fun than my blonde counterparts. Tonight, while watching ABC's What Would You Do (kinda like Punk'd, but with a morality check), they aired a segment with red headed kids getting picked on in public. The writers decided to air this after a young boy wrote to them describing how he constantly gets picked on for being a ginger (for those of you not familiar with the term, it's someone with red hair). These actor kids that were playing the bully victims had gorgeous red locks.

My first thought was, "are kids really that naive that they don't realize how HOT red heads are? HELLO?! Ginger is totally the new black!" Sure, there isn't much of an abundance when it comes to celebrity men sporting the red, but women...now they KNOW what's going on, and they're working it for all it's worth. Natural or not, many women in the entertainment industry have gone red at one point or another, that is of course, unless they were already red. One of the first gingers to ever catch my eye as a child was supermodel Angie Everhart. That stunning red hair graced the cover of several magazines, numerous shampoo commercials, and then transitioned onto the big screen in movies like Last Action Hero and Bordello of Blood, and eventually went on to do television.

Today, people are going red, because red is just hot. Lil Kim collaborated with other artists on Lady Marmalade and looked amazing with the red do. Let's not forget the queen (because according to Nicki Minaj, there is only one queen, and that's Madonna...bitch!) who went ginger for Confessions on a Dance Floor. Lead singer for one of my favorite rock bands, Garbage (Shirley Manson), didn't have to change her hair. She's naturally red, and she rocks it! What about bad boy, Chris Brown's, ex-girlfriend Rihanna who went red for a while (not one of my favorite examples, but it was a good look for her)? AND we can't forget how Julia Roberts won over audiences everywhere with her red locks in Pretty Woman, well, that and her hooker charm (but you don't have to be a hooker to be charming).

I always feel so bad for kids who feel they're not good looking enough. Damn, I used to feel bad for myself when I was young. LOL! I never thought of myself as a good-looking kid. It didn't help that I dated someone who practically reassured me of that as a young adult. Although my self-esteem wasn't the highest it could be growing up, I eventually realized that despite what I thought, people still found a quality in me that was attractive. Whether it was my looks, my personality, or just my all around attitude, there were actually people who liked being around me. I like to think my quirky ways just grew on people. I don't remember having too many ginger friends growing up, but I think red is red-hot! So kids, do yourselves a favor, and embrace your beautiful red hair.

You may not realize it now, but some people would kill for the perfect shade of red. Even animated characters such as Jessica Rabbit and Poison Ivy proudly sport an awesome red mane. You may not realize it now, but later in life, you will be the envy of everyone. When that happens, do ME a favor, and make sure other kids that may be experiencing what you went through, know that they're not alone either.

So if you're a red head, and someone tries to tell you that blondes have more fun, just remind them that at least your carpet matches your drapes. That oughtta keep them quiet for a bit.

Sad time to be a child

It really is a sad time to be a child. I'm constantly reading about kids being attacked or bullied, and in the most public places. Just today I saw a story out of Houston from KHOU-TV, about a girl who had been threatened by another student. When the girl's mother called the principal at the high school, he claimed he was "on top of it." But three hours later, the girl was beaten by a sock stuffed with a combination lock. I'm sure it's been a while since a lot of you have been in school, but if you don't remember, those things are freakin' heavy! Some people responded to this story with comments about parents sending their kids to school because it's supposed to be a safe place. According to whom, people? School is no more safe than a prison. Yeah, that's right, prison. Sure, there are guards to keep an eye out, but they don't see everything. School isn't supposed to be a safe haven, it's a place to get an education. Well how are those children supposed to get an education when you have savages attacking them when no one is watching. If your kids don't know how to act like human beings in public, get them the hell out of there, and place them somewhere that society doesn't have to worry about them beating or killing someone else who might actually be there to learn. Oh there's a thought. It sucks that we don't live in a perfect world, but you would think that administrators, and educators, and parents would step up their game. It's like no one ever notices until it escalates to the Columbine level. The images are still haunting.

There definitely needs to be a zero tolerance policy when it comes to bullying. When we allow bullies to get away with their actions, it only teaches them that it's acceptable. Well it isn't. Bullies aren't cool, they're assholes. So if you're a bully, you're an asshole, a major asshole. Wow, I'm not a parent, but I can only imagine how parents must worry everyday they have to send their kids to school, not knowing whats going to happen, or if they're kids will come home alive that day. Good manners start in the home. So parents, you may want to sit your child down sometime and have a talk with them. You need to know if your child is a bully, or a victim, and then find out what you can do to help them. There is no reason why a child should fear attending class, I mean, for any reason other than the ever surprising pop-quiz.