It's so easy to lose trust in a friend. Having them earn it again can prove to be very difficult. I had a friend whom I trusted. I wouldn't quite say wholeheartedly, granted this friend wasn't someone I grew up with, nor was it someone I spent countless hours talking with, but nonetheless a friend, or so I thought. This person was someone who had a number of friends in common with me. In fact, I met this person through other friends.
I guess to cut to the chase, this person I considered a friend, blatantly let me down in the worst way. Then again, this person I thought was a friend was only a kid, and still is. Maybe it was my fault for thinking someone that young could make mature decisions, but I usually compare people to myself at that age, and I understood the difference between right and wrong. In fact, I was probably more of an adult at that age than I am now. So I tried to put aside this solecism, but the more time that passed, the more I thought about it, and the more it impaired my perspective of this person. We still have common friends, so just the thought of running into this person in public makes me want to punch them in the throat, but of course I wouldn't because I'm the bigger person, and any amount of thought I had put into this has been a waste of energy on my part.
I can't say I hate this person, whom I considered a friend, but I definitely would not accept this person back into my life. That ship has sailed. And although this person apologized (and it was a half-assed apology by the way....no feeling or remorse behind it, which really helped me see the worthlessness in the friendship we had) for their actions, or as I prefer to call it, "their mistake," I still find it very difficult to believe that someone could act so conniving, and then still want to be friends with me, and act as if they had done nothing wrong.
I think it pretty obvious that this person was not my friend long enough to understand that I don't work that way. This is the reason I find it so hard to trust people sometimes. It just takes one bad egg, I guess, to ruin it for the others. Let's just say this friend is not on my Facebook. As my friends very well know, I don't delete people from Facebook, no matter how much I disagree with something said, or someone's beliefs. I truly believe that everyone has a right to their opinion. This is why we have debates, people! But no matter how much I disagree with you, I would never delete you. It's simply my opinion that if I've friended you, I shouldn't unfriend (unless you're personally attacking me or stalking me). So I happened to look on my page today and noticed this "ex-friend" had deleted me. Well more power to this person for understanding that our friendship was not what is used to be, because whether or not I still liked this person, I wasn't going to delete them from my page, so I guess I do have to commend their actions for taking me off their page.
So what is it you should take away with you after reading this blog? If you're a friend of mine, please don't screw me over. The next blog may just be about you. I don't fight dirty....or at least too dirty. My weapons of choice are sarcasm and wit. My word is all I need because even that can sometimes hit below the belt.
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Girl, who is it? lol, jk. Me like. I like the conclusions you were able to come to based on their action of deleting you. It's very insightful on your part. The question it brings to my mind regarding trust is that how do we ever REALLY know once that invisible trust threshold has been crossed that it is true? I guess we don't but that's the chance we take by putting ourselves out there time and again and what separates us from the closed off cynics of the World. The attachment to others we are able to experience throughout our lives is what makes life worth living to me. The other option is seemingly incredibly lonely.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I will definitely keep that in mind- never piss Chris off! lol
ReplyDeleteSecondly, you are very gracious to this person, giving them props. My 14-year-old cousin refuses to deleteher bully from Facebook because if she does, then she feels her bully would win. So... You win this round with that person!
Thirdly, I recently lost a friend too. Its a really long story but she de-friended my mom and me on Facebook. We were friends for almost 20 years, grew up across the street from each other, her 4-year-old is my goddaughter. She was just being shady and manipulative to different crowds, but Mom and I tried to encourage her to find herself and love herself and then she can love those around her... She didn't like that. She was also disrespecting me... I didn't like that, but I was willing to remain friends. She killed our friendship now! I'm hurt and upset, but I can't have her back as my friend... You know, as long as I've known her, I learned that I couldn't tell her anything. Loose lips... Trust is hard to come by!
Russell and April, thanks for replying to my post. Russell, I'd rather not say who it is. I'll tell you this much, you don't know this person, and secondly, I don't really want to point fingers at that person, even though in my head, I'd like to slap this person and walk away with my head held high. LOL...very Amanda from Melrose Place. April, yeah, I like to say that I'm the kind of person who forgives, but right now I can't. I will eventually. I wasn't lying when I told this person I still wanted to be friends. I do, but I need a little time to heal, and I think they owe me that much. As for the FB unfriending thing, I can deal with that for now. I just hope they don't think I'm going to suddenly request them again. Maybe in a few weeks, or a few months I'll feel different. Not about friending them on FB, but about being friends in the real world. Right now, I have to do what I have to do to make me a good person. This is why I say it's hard to trust people. I always get to a point with friends where I think: "Wow, I'm really glad to have this person in my life." Then suddenly a huge dose of reality hits me, and I'm back at the bottom, finding that it's hard to trust anyone anymore. But oh well. I think I'm being fair. :)
ReplyDeleteUPDATE: I forgave this person and even confronted the person about getting past the wrong this person did, and all this person did was look at me in a somewhat bewildered manner. Yeah, I know. I guess when an adult is an adult, it's a little difficult for a child to understand what it means to take the high road. Needless to say, this person turned out to be scum. I've forgiven this scum, but it doesn't mean I have to like scum. Seriously, who does? Honestly, I've had to just settle with the fact that this person is going to have a very lonely life of bad choices and worse behavior. I think I'll stick with smart friends. Is that too much to ask? I'm kidding.
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