The pointlessness of disliking someone you don't know

By Chris Stouffer


Have you ever disliked someone whom you really didn't know on a personal level, or hated (such a strong word) someone at a retail store, restaurant, office, etc. for the simple fact that they made a horrible first impression on you? I have. And although I've heard in the past it's useless being angry with someone because usually your friends could care less, and the person you hold that anger toward doesn't even know it, I was recently reminded of how true that is.

When I made the decision to go to grad school, I checked out a certain private institution, based on the fact that it was close to home, and it was technically the first school I applied to as an undergrad, yet opted to go elsewhere. As I was driving by one day, suddenly I found myself in the parking lot and in the admissions office of this university.

Ok, so I didn't have an appointment, but it seemed slow in the office, therefore I figured it was ok to stop by and speak with an advisor about the program I wished to pursue. The advisor assigned to me was short with her words, quick to answer (and not in detail), and overall seemed very uninterested in me taking her time. You better believe for the next eight years I talked so much smack about this woman. I even ran into her at a social function we both attended almost four years later and was just disappointed to be sharing the same space with her.

Recently I bumped into a long-tieme friend of mine who happened to know this woman. In fact he worked with her at one point. When I mentioned her name he simply laughed. He remembered my dislike toward her, but couldn't remember the reason (remember, most of the time your friends don't care that you hate someone you don't know - case in point).

He asked me to refresh his memory as to why I was bitter toward this person. When I rehashed my drama, he laughed and basically gave me a pat on the back. "Oh Christopher," he said to me. "She wasn't even a graduate admissions counselor. She was an undergrad admissions counselor. She probably didn't seem fully invested in your meeting because she didn't have the answers you were looking for and she wasn't familiar with the graduate programs."

Honestly, I was taken back for a second. I realized all that energy I spent disliking her for really no good reason at all, and the breath I used to repeat this story over and over again to friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. For what? She never knew I disliked her, I'm certain she didn't remember me after I left that office, and to top it off, my friend tells me what a fun person she was, which had I taken the time to socialize with her at earlier said function, I may have realized.

So the point I'm attempting to make in my pointless dislike toward this unknowing individual is that it makes no sense to dislike someone whom you haven't even given a chance to know (or even met for that matter) if you're basing this dislike on that first impression. You don't know the situation that person has been put in unless you ask or at least attempt to ask the right questions first.